


Fit To Be Tied

by grayspider1974



Series: Ivar's World [8]
Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: BDSM, Bjorn drinks too much and can't get it up, Multi, nasty drunk girls, stuff about the mating habits of animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 09:27:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17261723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayspider1974/pseuds/grayspider1974
Summary: In which Alfred really only wants to settle down for a long winter's nap but his wife has other plans and Bjorn Ironside is all too willing to help!





	Fit To Be Tied

**Author's Note:**

> Technically speaking, tying up your spouse and forcing them to have sex with you constitutes marital rape, but it only became illegal to do so fairly recently.  
> There are many examples of Roman drinking vessels whose decoration would today be considered in poor taste.  
> The first recorded game of football (what Americans call soccer) in Britain was some time in the tenth century, and British men have preferred it to having sex ever since, much to the consternation of their wives!

Alfred, the young king of Wessex lay in bed watching the spider who had spun her web above his bed eat her mate. His grandfather had told him he could learn much about human nature by observing the behavior of animals, and he found spiders particularly fascinating and would not allow the maids to harm them or disturb their webs because they were useful little beasts that preyed on noisome insects and were no danger to humans, and the Romans who had ruled Britain before it became England had considered them emblems of good fortune. He wondered where Aelswyth had gotten to at this late hour, because her spot beside him in bed was vacant save for a faint odour that his mother had assured him was simply that of a healthy young English girl. Then there was a knock on the door and his wife's chambermaid ushered in Bjorn Ironside. The huge man smelled like he had been drinking heavily, and was grinning tremendously and carrying something wrapped in a rather battered bearskin that Bjorn liked to use as his bed  
"I brought you a little Yuletide present, Your Majesty," Bjorn said. "She went looking for me again and met my third wife's cousins and got a little bit drunk." He dropped the bundle on the bed and it unfurled to reveal Queen Aelswyth, who was clearly three sheets to the wind.  
"Oh, Sweet Priapic Christ!" said Alfred. "How did she survive?"  
"All things considered," said Bjorn "she seems to have enjoyed herself tremendously. They gave her vodka and blini."  
"What in God's name is blini?" asked Alfred. "Something sick and depraved, if I know your friends!"  
"They're tiny pancakes served with sour cream, and in this case with strawberry preserves because your Queen thinks caviare is totally revolting."  
"They're fish eggs!" Aelswyth chimed in. "I don't care if they say it's a delicacy, caviare is NASTY! I do like vodka, however..." She crawled towards Alfred and kissed him, and her mouth did indeed taste like strawberries undercut with the faint metallic taste of Finnish hooch. "Now you kiss him too, Bjorn!"   
Bjorn grabbed Alfred and laid a bearded, boozy and slightly caviare-flavoured kiss on his lips before he could object.  
Alfred wriggled out of Bjorn's grasp, and yelped "What da fuck?"  
"I was just testing your wife's theory. She says that you don't seem to like the company of women, and keeps calling you a bundle of firewood for some strange reason."  
"He's a faggot!" Aelswyth hissed. "He doesn't love me, and he barely even managed to consummate our marriage even when I did all the things you told me to do, Bjorn Ironside!"  
"You attempted to rape me with a cucumber!" said Alfred. "You're not a nice girl, Aelswyth...you are a bad pussy!"  
Aelswyth had thrust her hand under Alfred's blankets and was exploring his privates and while he really rather liked what she was doing he did not want her to do it with a large, tattooed Norwegian degenerate sitting on the bed watching them.  
"She came and talked to Kylli, and Kylli came and talked to me," said Bjorn. "And from what I can tell you seem to have difficulty adjusting to married life, which in turn might create problems when it comes to ensuring the royal succession. She's your wife, Alfred and therefore your problem." He lifted the blanket and peered under it. "You don't seem to have the same little problem as my half brother Ivar, by the way..."  
"Leave my cock alone!" Alfred snapped. "I'm not a sodomite!"  
"If you lived in the Byzantine Empire people would be a little more understanding if you were,ut I think your mother wants royal grandchildren," said Bjorn. He stroked Aelswyth's back. "She's a beautiful girl, and if it weren't for the fact that she's half my age and that if I bedded her it would give you reason to extradite me and my family back to Norway I would hump her myself." He kissed the young Queen on the cheek, but the way he was playing with her breasts brought a flush to Alfred's face.  
"She's pretty," Alfred said "but I don't like it when she scratches and bites and drools on me, and the first time I was in her she started screaming and I thought I had hurt her. She also gets...much wetter down there than I was told to expect. I think we have the same problem as Mother had with Athelwulf. She said he was a lion on the battlefield but a field mouse in the bedroom...but of course Mother did not know that the male field mouse has the largest phallus in comparison to its body of any land mammal!"  
Bjorn grinned. "So you like to observe the mating habits of animals too? I do too...especially dolphins. They're horny little creatures and when two or more males get ahold of a young female they take turns with her. I've seen pods of a dozen or more all fornicating together."  
Alfred smirked. "Humans do that too. My grandfather had a fine set of Roman drinking vessels with pictures on them, Bishop Heahmund showed them to the Archbishop one time. His superior was a godly and pious man, but he suffered from angina, and dropped dead on the spot. By the way, Heahmund has recovered from having his balls snaffled, and he's humping your Mum again."  
Bjorn scowled, and pulled a pair of sheers from his pocket and cut off his braids. "Aelswyth and I have a little surprise for you," he said. "I hope you like it." He used his hair to tie Alfred to the bed and Aelswyth climbed on top of him and said "Spank me, Daddy!" Bjorn chortled and started slapping her bottom as she sucked Alfred's cock until it was hard and then started riding him. The look on Bjorn's face was that of a proud papa watching his daughter demonstrate a valuable skill. Alfred stared up at his bride, who was already flushed and making little whining sounds of pleasure. Her pupils were the size of eggs, her nipples looked like they could poke someone's eyes out and she was starting to drool a bit, and Alfred was oddly reminded of the spider he had just watched eat her mate as a post-coital snack.  
"Shame on you, Aelswyth!" Alfred mumbled as he watched the lewd, smirking she-devil that his mother had arranged for him to marry being kissed and fondled by a huge, tattooed and morally degenerate Norwigger while she performed her wifely duties. "Shame on you!"

The next morning Alfred did not come down to the Great Hall for the three minute egg and two slices of thin, unbuttered toast which were his customary breakfast and Aleswyth's nice mixed grill was soon covered with an unappealing glaze of congealed fat. The girl could swallow a truly prodigious amount of sausage, and Queen Judith wondered how she managed to keep her figure. She met Lagertha, the deposed Queen of Norway in the corridor outside the Great Hall, and they regarded each other with basilisk stares. Both of them had thrown wooly shawls over their night dresses, and were a little hung over and puffy eyed from the previous night's wassailing and their hair was in utter disarray so they looked more like hags than like dowager queens.  
"My son did not come back to his room last night," said Lagertha "and the Taapiolans are avoiding me, so they probably know where he is and don't want to tell me."  
"Your son is a degenerate!" said Judith. She saw Bishop Heahmund trying to edge past her without being seen, and said nothing.  
"So is yours," said Lagertha. "It may be hereditary..." and so they bustled over to the Royal Bedchambers in a shared royal snit, and as Lagertha kicked down the door it was revealed that the Royal Chambers were in an unseemly state of disarray. Alfred had put his clothes neatly on the clothes rack as he always did, but Aelswyth had strewn hers all over the room in a deliberately untidy fashion, and there was a pair of boots by the bed that were too large to belong to either of them.Lagertha sniffed disdainfully "It smells like a cathouse in here!" she said, and flung open the shutters, allowing light to spill across a room that was littered with books and papers and festooned with cobwebs. Then she strode over to the bed and yanked open the curtains, and stood with her mouth open in shock and horror before she managed to shout "Oh, Sweet Frig!"  
Queen Judith peered in over her shoulder and added "Well, I'll be mogadored!"  
"It looks like your son has been, and so has mine!" said Lagertha. "Your cousin is a very naughty girl...so much for a strict Catholic upbringing!" She sneered nastily.  
"Oh, shut your pie hole, you Norse fish wife!" said Judith. "At least we know where your degenerate son spent the night!"  
Three sleeping bodies lay snuggled together in a bed that really did smell quite strongly of sex. Half the bed was taken up by Bjorn's muscular bulk and Aelswyth was sandwiched between him and Alfred, blissfully sucking her thumb in her sleep, and Alfred was beginning to stir and was rubbing at the ligature marks on his wrists. He plucked a blond pubic hair from his wife's lips and grinned sheepishly at his mother, whose face was red with fury, then lifted a finger to his lips. "She's sleeping, Mother...please don't wake her." he said "We were performing our conjugal duties for most of the night, and she's pretty tired." He yawned. "I could do with some breakfast though. Could you ask Mildred to bring mine up on a tray?"  
"What's that filthy Norwigger doing in your bed?" Judith asked. "Did he help you perform your conjugal duties, or did he?"  
" Bjorn was really very drunk last night," said Alfred "so he mostly just watched. Then after my wife was done with me we talked about football."


End file.
